GUEST POST - Malaysia - standing in the eyes of da world

REPRODUCED WITH PERMISSION

So I'm taking this World Anthropology course on edx, and one of the subjects we covered was refugee/immigrations in Malaysia. There's an interview with an "illegal" immigrant, that really got to me:

Robert: Malaysia for me is a world of trauma and a place of distress.
I don't say good things about living in Malaysia.

Gerhard: Nothing at all?

Robert: Nothing, because we cannot hope; we cannot have dreams. We can't plan for the future, and we don't have rights. We don't have rights for education. We don't have rights for employment. We don't have a voice. We can't say anything. We cannot complain.

----

Because, you know, we have more than they do, but we don't really have a voice, either.

— Melissa Ariffin

WAWASAN 2020

You think we can proceed to wawasan lua poloh lua liddis?

See people smoking near anti smoking signs, smoking while walking in opis wear...

Not queuing, not queuing when the sign says 'Q', tak faham ko lu?

Then on the train everybody rushing in... Pushing each other, they scared of the long wait coz nobody wants to wait blindly for the next KTM coz there's no time table.

The cheap digital screens that should have been displaying information sudah dipadamkan, black black like the faces of commuters.

Only Najib's face plastered all over grinning, tagline about how the government wants only the very best for the rakyat, us. In the shadows coz the light bulbs are rosak.

Us, the people who don't want to drive because your roads are clogged up with ill planning and rude drivers who scream racist slurs even when they didn't see the asshole cutting their overpriced car.

And back in the train, nobody gives a damn about the old guy or the elderly woman coz they're fucking tired themselves, the signages to be a responsible citizen of Malaysia is not payed attention to. Nobody reads anyway.

No graciousness left isit? Why so selfish, Malaysians? Don't they, our authorities, see this happening? What's supposed to happen for 2020?

Poetry session

POETRY SESSION BY UGLY MALAYSIANA

BASED ON THE THEME OF "HOPE". 

I HOPE

WE HV MORE RESPECT LESS ASS ATTACK

WE ONLY WANT 1 (MALAISE)

LUV, FROM MY PINK LABBIT HEART

— COLLABORATIVE FASHION POETRY —

by the authors:
BN Colour POLO shirt, feathery blouse, typo blouse, cutie comic sans T. 

LETTER FROM A LOVELY READER

Just now, my partner told me how he found your blog... he was driving around kl looking for sweet spots to take photos and when he found some, he tried to sets up his camera and no matter where he focus - there is always a lamppost or trashcan that gets in the way. He got home frustrated and typed in, Malaysia, Ugly in his browser, and thus found your blog!

— AMANDA

~ *~ *~ *~

RESPONSE FROM UGLY MALAYSIANA

Thank you very much for the story about your partner and his delightful discovery of UGLY MALAYSIANA. Lampaposts or trashycans are not that bad, they can be instagrammy friendly if they are macam PARIS lamp post, very romantic, especially for you, a couple... you can be model, prancing around in BURBERRY cold-weatherwear. Like singing in the rain gitew. BUT INDEED, THINGS CAN BE UGLIER HERE, with lampposts full of AH LONG STICKERS, perhaps one hung with a ADULT TOY banner too, printed on some tarpauline from KEDAI BIKIN BUNTING TAMAN PERMATA CHERAS/SG WAY NEW VILLAGE.

Hey dood - FAN MAIL

hey dood i really like ur ugly malaysiana series. depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be about spaces and architecture. the old architecture is beautiful, it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era and now thats fuck it up rambling

BORING TEXT ONLY VERSION

hey dood
i really like ur ugly malaysiana series.
depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be

about spaces and architecture.

 the old architecture is beautiful,
it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era
and now thats fuck it up

 rambling



- THANK YOU, FAITHFUL FAN, AND FRIEND -

Words from an expatriate

UGLY MALAYSIANA: What do you hate about Malaysia?

EXPAT: Rich parents. Malls. Lack of public creative space. Expensive drinks.

GE13 CONVERSATIONS

UGLY MALAYSIANA'S MOTHER HAS A COWORKER WHO IS PRO-BN.

THE COWORKER IS A MALAY GIRL IN HER 20s. SHE WEARS A HEAD SCARF AND HAS 2 KIDS. 

TOGETHER WITH HER HUSBAND, THEY MAKE BELOW RM2,000 PER MONTH. THEY OWN A MOTORCYCLE AND A LOW COST FLAT.

 OCASSIONALLY SHE VISITS UGLY MALAYSIANA'S MOTHER, BRINGING NATA DE COCO DESSERT AS BUAH TANGAN.

SHE DOES NOT EAT THE FRUITS MY MOTHER GIVES HER BECAUSE "THEY MAY BE CUT WITH A KNIFE THAT HAD BEEN IN CONTACT WITH PORK BEFORE".

THESE DAYS, SHE SCOLDS MY MOTHER FOR SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT NAJIB.

"U are an ungrateful person! they give you so much money and you treat them this way??"


AN UGLY MALAYSIANA CORRESPONDENT FROM USJ HAS THIS TO SAY:


Selina mok swee ching: responding out of fear lor . they see the opposition as 'kau see quan' (shit stirrer in canto) and will drag the country down but they don't see the country is dying slowly.

Selina mok swee ching: the opposition can make changes if they are not tied by the government. just takes time. but it's always darkest before the dawn lor but people cannot see it. they just want quick solutions.

small minded

extra rm500 is tempting when you earn so little

Email to the author of this blog

"...I had to leave Malaysia in a total disgust with the government and the bureaucratic system.

I like your website "uglymalaysia" . Truly speaks about Malaysia. I have lived there for 5 1/2 years and would not recommend to any one even for a vacation. The TV commercial that they show about " Malaysia Truly Asia" is a total trap."

— Anonymous reader. Ugly Malaysiana thanks you for your feedback.

SMS style

aku ni mat motor..

simple2 je...slalu racing kat higway kesas klu nampak tol benti jap kencing...klu minah tol chantek ak ngurat.kalu ada mamat cute jambu encem aku ngurat gak hahahaha ..suruh top up minyak...ak suka berkawan...dan ak ramai kawan.. klu ok aku fuck.. berkawan biar beribu berkasih biar ramai setia pada yg satu.

nak suruh aku dtg tempat korang kasi aku duit minyak........

aku suke berkawan,berkawan buat aku rasa x bosan.......
bila malam menjelma aku menjadi pemangsa yg mencari mangsa.....

aku paling benci org yg belagak bagus dan sombong................rasa nak je aku langar gan moto aku sampai mampus.....x pun aku hentak2 kepala dia gan helmet aku..........

* * *

UGLY MALAYSIANA COMMENT

The above passage was found on a friend-finder website, written by a lean tone gentleman in his early 20s who enjoys posing next to his Modenas scooter bearing a license plate that begins with a "B".

This form of "SMS style" Malay is unfortunately widely used online on forums and blogs. Short forms and symbols (x for "tak") are increasingly replacing full words — a very speedy and economical typing method for mobile phone messaging but it is never a proud moment when I see it used in more serious paragraphs of text, for example, in political blog comments, or in the 'About Me' sections of friend-finder websites.

This form of writing also makes passages such as the above quite illegible to Malaysians who are not eloquent or well versed in Malay, especially so with its colloquial, spoken word form. Many Ah Lians or Ah Bengs will find it hard to grasp the essence of the Mat Motor's self introduction as they never really have had much exposure to Malay television dramas.

Therefore, a translation is provided below.

 

TRANSLATION IN ENGLISH

It's quite simple… 

I am always racing along the KESAS highway. If I see a toll booth, I will stop to urinate briefly. If a toll booth girl is cute, I'll flirt. If there's a young virginal handsome guy, I'll also flirt, haha.

I'll ask them to top up my fuel. 

I love to make friends. And I have a lot of friends. I'm OK with fucking… Let there be thousands of friends, and a lot of loving, but let me be faithful to only one person. 

If you want me to come to your place, compensate me with some fuel money.

   
I love to make friends. It relieves my boredom. When nighttime arises, I will be the prey that is looking for prey.

I most hate those who are arrogant. I feel like I want to crash into them with my motorcycle until they die. If not, I will also like to use my helmet to bash their heads. THE END

Lovely Comment

lancau lu tau apa pasat cinta? 

lu pigi langgar tol, 

langgar orang, langgar lori!

- Anonymous reader of UGLY MALAYSIANA

Conversations about Quality of Life in Malaysia

Kenny (not his real name) says:

i should find freinds to do more outdoor activities

i stay indoors too much

and lately always feeling tired

i need to go to places with more trees

but yet in UK i never felt to tired that often

felt so* tired

my group of friends is starting to get boring

everytime go out is either movie or dinner

thats all

UGLY MALAYSIANA say:

maybe try to find new itineraries ?

Kenny says:

suggestions?

UGLY MALAYSIANA say:

if you want trees.. maybe go picnic somewhere in a nice-ish park...??

i know our parks here not like UK parks lor but can be possible.. berkelah... bukit belacan/

?

Kenny says:

need to find friends to do that lor

my friends all the shopping mall type not the nature type

hence my urgent need for new friends

im starting to feel like a black sheep

since i came back from UK

i feel so integrated in UK, over here ppl's interests are just so different

and mundane

UGLY MALAYSIANA say:

how was it there.. what would you do to spend time?

dont your friends get bored with malls??!

Kenny says:

al fresco dining, parks, music events, picnics, walk to the country side, botanical gardens

basically i can just get a ticket hop onto a train and sit till the last station and just wander around that area until im satisfied

UGLY MALAYSIANA say:

many possibilities

Kenny says:

over here, last trains station is kelana jaya and gombak!? =.="

and out parks sucks

we dont have public open spaces to do people watching

when i people watch here, ppl stare at me one kind, so perasan

UGLY MALAYSIANA says:

so different hor

Kenny says:

i hate it

i know

sg has more outdoorsy activities to do than here

UGLY MALAYSIANA say:

yes got more sun kissed hunks oso for sightseeing

Kenny says:

our parks here all filled with people just walking just for teh sake of walking

anyway time to go home

ttyl

muacks

Conversations between a couple and someone else..

"Someone should write a book about the ugly side of Malaysia. Just now I was in Tescos, the parking lot… full of trolleys, just left there without them being placed back at their bays… so irresponsible…"

"It's also like in IKEA, they leave their stuff on the table after finishing their meals, even though it is clearly indicated that they should clear the tables themselves, need to put the trays at that area…"

"Yes, I see immigrants clearing the tables for these Malaysians instead…"

"That's why things can be so expensive in this country. Because we need to hire people to follow up on our irresponsibility…"

Conversations on Ugly Malaysiana

FRIEND the airport tarmac ground crew in japan are so efficient and polite

  they wave at the plane as it moves down the runway and bow when we leave

  so weird!

  they remind of those lego figurines with square heads

  very efficient

3:59 PM then when i'm back at lcct, i saw a ground crew spit on the tarmac and some other guy playing with his psp behind some camera

  so tidak ape

4:00 PM UGLY MALAYSIANA: hate all that lor... :(

4:01 PM FRIEND: yeah

  and the airasia staff also not polite

4:02 PM the airstewards can be rude

 UGLY MALAYSIANA: like 'tak syok wanna serve u' ?

 FRIEND: yeah

  or, ugh hurry up la

4:03 PM on the way to japan, an air-stewardess didn't even bother giving me the disembarkation card just cos she assumed i was japanese

  i even asked for it

  and she gave me the 'duty to declare' form in japanese, that's it

 UGLY MALAYSIANA: how obnoxious..

4:04 PM haha japanese gurl..

 FRIEND: i said, i want the disembarkation form

  then she said OHHH

  no sorry

4:05 PM UGLY MALAYSIANA: 8(