Impeccable guest post from MERAUNG KESEPIAN

Impeccable day.

"KEDAI RUNCIT", says MERAUNG KESEPIAN.

 

 Impeccable beauty.

"ROSMAH DAPAT AWARD"

NOTE:

The opinions expressed in this paper are the guest poster's own and should not be attributed to those of UGLY MALAYSIANA.

Post Office

To coincide with the subject of this post, a 'letter format' will hereby be adopted:

 Dear beloved fellow Malaysian,

how r u? hope dis finds u well.

As you make your way into the premises of a Malaysian post office to get your hands on a 1Malaysiana First Day Cover, or if you would like to inquire about postal voting (or simply, if you're really that slow: registering to vote) be greeted with bouquets of polyester flowers that smell like dust and stale air conditioning.

Lean over the counter after you hear your number being called by that monotonous voice: DUA SEMBILAN KOSONG LIMA, and say, Selamat Petang cik, bolehkah saya dibantu?

On your left, in that glass cabinet, some travel memorabilia. Perhaps a Doreamon, a Hello Kitty (all pirated).

In front of you, beyond the Civil Servant woman in the oversized indigo mens jacket, admire the rulers of the country in gold-framed posters. Yellow is always a good colour to spot, should you have trouble looking for these dignitaries.

Or are you too caught up with interpreting the hand written placards, notices on whiteboards or maybe torn cardboard boxes, the empty shells of bulk stationery purchases?

Don't you feel like tearing out the A4 print-out notices as well - a very satisfying sound of the sharp pulp tearing apart from fingerprint-stained white plaster walls...

Speaking of fingers, after you have purchased your stamps (paddy, a certain amount of sens... mangosteens, more expensive ones [to send a pirated DVD to your loved one in Gemas?], a bunch of rambutans, RM0.40...) - you have two options to paste it onto your envelope: simply lick it or if you prefer a more hygenic option, dab it on the sponge on that shellac-stained rubberwood table near the entrance, the one the with lots of sticker residues yes, and yes, that sponge that is almost blackened, dampened by what looks like some thinly diluted Chinese ink...


Sincerely yours,

MADAME UGLY MALAYSIANA.

Guest Post

Kontribusi Dari Gadis Melayu Terakhir Yang Suci Dan Maseh Chantique...

 "UGLY BAGS"

"Can I complain that this is an ugly bunting?"

Rude

Mohamed Ghani Abdul Jiman

is quite a rude man. 

*STORY*

PS.

Calling people pondan, is very rude too.

UGLY MALAYSIANA DOES NOT ENDORSE SUCH ACTS OF IMPOLITENESS.

What is ugly?

TRAFFIC JAMS

AT 11PM

IS

UGLY TO ME.

Conversations between a couple and someone else..

"Someone should write a book about the ugly side of Malaysia. Just now I was in Tescos, the parking lot… full of trolleys, just left there without them being placed back at their bays… so irresponsible…"

"It's also like in IKEA, they leave their stuff on the table after finishing their meals, even though it is clearly indicated that they should clear the tables themselves, need to put the trays at that area…"

"Yes, I see immigrants clearing the tables for these Malaysians instead…"

"That's why things can be so expensive in this country. Because we need to hire people to follow up on our irresponsibility…"

East meets West

Kota Damansara's 'interiors and furnishings' theme shoplots. Eats meets Wes. Black and white. Contrasts. Bombastic displays of imperialist kwai lou posing confidently in front of his Asian (business?) partner, tucked away, a modern and kontemporari image with decorative miscellaneous typography. Enter and be serenaded by birds from an audio CD, see glitter embedded into tiles, design your own living room spa pod with zebrawood veneer. Proceed to go next doors for some chandeliers or rip-off anglepoises.

Breakfast Comparison~

1MALAYSIA BREAKFAST (picture courtesy of http://hausofhamed.files.wordpress.com)

(NOTICE ALL THE DIFFERENT FONTS!!!!!!!! SO UNAPPETISING!!!!!!!!!!!!)

VS

1 CONSISTENT LOOK BREAKFAST

HOMOPHOBIA

Guest Post: SLIM TIM

DARI PUAN BERNAMA "Meraung Kesepian"