December 19, 2011

Guest Post from an esteemed Asian Public Intellectual (posh exclusive coverage from Japan)

UGLY MALAYSIANA WORTHY STORY,
AS TOLD BY THE ARTIST CHI TOO.

Recent events in my motherland has prompted me to register as an overseas voter, so I cycled all the way to Shibuya to my country's embassy... 


... only to be confronted with this.

Akhirnya, kutemui cinta-mu... THUMBS UP!

VULGAR!
Guts, intestines, photoshop bevels, lots of Arial, and maybe Trajan, for that cinemetique effect. Plus a dubious VVVVVVVVVVVVVIP.

Impeccable guest post from MERAUNG KESEPIAN

Impeccable day.

"KEDAI RUNCIT", says MERAUNG KESEPIAN.
 

 Impeccable beauty.

"ROSMAH DAPAT AWARD"

NOTE:
The opinions expressed in this paper are the guest poster's own and should not be attributed to those of UGLY MALAYSIANA.

December 09, 2011

Post Office

To coincide with the subject of this post, a 'letter format' will hereby be adopted:

 Dear beloved fellow Malaysian,

how r u? hope dis finds u well.

As you make your way into the premises of a Malaysian post office to get your hands on a 1Malaysiana First Day Cover, or if you would like to inquire about postal voting (or simply, if you're really that slow: registering to vote) be greeted with bouquets of polyester flowers that smell like dust and stale air conditioning.

Lean over the counter after you hear your number being called by that monotonous voice: DUA SEMBILAN KOSONG LIMA, and say, Selamat Petang cik, bolehkah saya dibantu?

On your left, in that glass cabinet, some travel memorabilia. Perhaps a Doreamon, a Hello Kitty (all pirated).

In front of you, beyond the Civil Servant woman in the oversized indigo mens jacket, admire the rulers of the country in gold-framed posters. Yellow is always a good colour to spot, should you have trouble looking for these dignitaries.

Or are you too caught up with interpreting the hand written placards, notices on whiteboards or maybe torn cardboard boxes, the empty shells of bulk stationery purchases?

Don't you feel like tearing out the A4 print-out notices as well - a very satisfying sound of the sharp pulp tearing apart from fingerprint-stained white plaster walls...

Speaking of fingers, after you have purchased your stamps (paddy, a certain amount of sens... mangosteens, more expensive ones [to send a pirated DVD to your loved one in Gemas?], a bunch of rambutans, RM0.40...) - you have two options to paste it onto your envelope: simply lick it or if you prefer a more hygenic option, dab it on the sponge on that shellac-stained rubberwood table near the entrance, the one the with lots of sticker residues yes, and yes, that sponge that is almost blackened, dampened by what looks like some thinly diluted Chinese ink...


Sincerely yours,

MADAME UGLY MALAYSIANA.












December 08, 2011

Guest Post

Kontribusi Dari Gadis Melayu Terakhir Yang Suci Dan Maseh Chantique...

 "UGLY BAGS"

"Can I complain that this is an ugly bunting?"

Rude


Mohamed Ghani Abdul Jiman
is quite a rude man


PS.
Calling people pondan, is very rude too.

UGLY MALAYSIANA DOES NOT ENDORSE SUCH ACTS OF IMPOLITENESS.

December 06, 2011

What is ugly?

TRAFFIC JAMS
AT 11PM
IS
UGLY TO ME.

Conversations between a couple and someone else..

"Someone should write a book about the ugly side of Malaysia. Just now I was in Tescos, the parking lot… full of trolleys, just left there without them being placed back at their bays… so irresponsible…"

"It's also like in IKEA, they leave their stuff on the table after finishing their meals, even though it is clearly indicated that they should clear the tables themselves, need to put the trays at that area…"

"Yes, I see immigrants clearing the tables for these Malaysians instead…"

"That's why things can be so expensive in this country. Because we need to hire people to follow up on our irresponsibility…"