Selamat pagi Malaysia

Hello! Good morning Malaysia. Wake up, it's a chilled morning. Sparrows are chirping. Make yourself a delish Asian breakfast consisting of mostly carbs, sugar and oil.

If you prefer, eat outside, bistro style, just like in the picture. By cincai-parked vehicles. The sight is not too photogenic as you can see, road side food liddat I suppose in this part of the world.

Car lined avenues, not tree lined... A bed of motorcycles, no flowers in little concrete planters. No fancy awnings or 'quaint' café atmosphere beb. No tinkling piano music shit. Just simple, casual and a bit precarious – the fumes of vehicles and passive smoke. The smell of exasperation as drivers search desperately for a parking spot. Ala, double park only lor, leave your number on the dashboard.

Yes, we understand, very fast, fingers crossed: no polis saman, no car want to get out. Only 10 minutes to tapau RM7 siewyook rice, if the queue not that long. It used to be RM6.50 a week ago. I'll listen attentively, in case got honking...

Hey dood - FAN MAIL

hey dood i really like ur ugly malaysiana series. depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be about spaces and architecture. the old architecture is beautiful, it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era and now thats fuck it up rambling

BORING TEXT ONLY VERSION

hey dood
i really like ur ugly malaysiana series.
depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be

about spaces and architecture.

 the old architecture is beautiful,
it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era
and now thats fuck it up

 rambling



- THANK YOU, FAITHFUL FAN, AND FRIEND -

Sama-sama menjejak mimpi

This is the flat where my parents stay. It's under Pakatan Rakyat. Or is it under the Majlis Perbandaran? Which is under what actually?

It is still unsightly after so long, after changes, elections, droughts, monsoons.

Sometimes when the wind is strong, I don't smell anything pleasing. I smell this heap of hopelessness, tidak apaness, things compositing, decaying. Lives decaying.

Letters were written, phone calls made. I even posted this problem on UGLY MALAYSIANA. Nothing has changed.

My parents are older. It's hard for them to move out to anywhere better. Things are really expensive. Why can't they manage the rubbish dump more properly? Tar the roads. Get rid of the rat colonies. Somehow.

I pun feel hopeless. But the lady in their 80s, the Opah, she doesn't really mind maybe. Teaching the Quran, chilling out in her 400 sq ft unit in this SS13. Unlucky number 13? The rest of Subang isn't this way. This Opah and my parents deserves what the SS19 datins are offered in their sections. Oh well, it doesn't work out that way hor.

The more things change, the more things feel the same.

MESSI AND RUBBISHY DATARAN AFTER WORLD CUP FINALS

Ini dia, embarrassing photograph. Apa terjadi? First world ke nih? Makan, leave 7-11 mee instant on such an iconic spot. Malaysians, takda harapan. Takper, tidak aperrrr bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No grace, beb.......... tak perlulah...

Leave it there, sebab 'someone will pick it up for us' lah, kan? Perhaps foreign immigrant rubbish collectors – we're giving them jobs kan? My sleep is important in the morning after tengok world kap at 4am, being a civic minded citizen of a 'aspiring first world' nation can wait.... this is how it's like n e wayz...

This is how it's like when we don't read signs to queue at public transportations, to disobey speed limits, don't give a fuck about being polite on roads or when we handle customers, coz I am getting really shitty pay, RM5 per hour or less. I have to work 5 times harder than those people kat barat, to get what they're getting, and that's why I'm pissed, and I won't smile at you.

And that's OK, I throw rubbish out of my sporty Proton car, who cares, nobody cares, we just don't throw rubbish in schools coz people would catch and fine us, but not now when we've grown up.

Throw rubbish at waterfalls oso ok, tempat rekriasi, coz we've got so much shit thrown at us before, tak perlu care la beb, leave it there and it would take care of itself, it's too much effort to go look for a rubbish bin...

I don't want to walk 5 minutes to a rubbish bin. I would drive to one, but it's hard to find parking, and people say, double parking would make another fellow Malaysian scratch your car... so...

I'll just leave the rubbish there, it would take care of itself...  


Foto kredit: mStar Twitter account

Good news at last

MPSJ staff remove 

illegal stickers and posters

Get massage den later can go eat bean sprout chicken rice

YET ANOTHER KOTA DAMANSARA POST.

(the scene does not look appetising, does it?)

DO U WANT 2 B GREASY WITH D'TOUCH MASSAGE OIL,

OR GREASY WITH BEAN SPROUT CHICKEN RICE OIL?

CHANCES ARE, THE MASSEUR AND THE CHICKEN RICE CHEF

WOULD PROBABLY BE AN IMMIGRANT.

S/HE WOULD GET PAID VERY LITTLE (BUT PERHAPS A BIT MORE THAN THE MALAYSIAN MINIMUM WAGE OF RM700).

S/HE WOULDN'T HAVE VERY GOOD STANDARDS OF LIVING, ARE VICTIMS OF CORRUPTION, ARE CONSTANTLY HARASSED, AND ARE UNHAPPY.

THUS IN TURN, THEY PRODUCE 

SHITTY HAWKER FOOD, 

VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE HAWKER FOOD STANDARDS

THAT SOME MALAYSIANS

ARE SO USED TO, 

AND SO WE BITCH ABOUT THEM, AND IT NEVER ENDS.

It's the weekend

2-become-1 Malaysia. Double the penetration! 

We love our government! We love Najib! We love all the multi-coloured bulbs decorating our beautiful city, Kuala Lumpur! 

We love the Bunga Mangga-tipped street lamp decorations 

— bursting like an orgasmic, static firework!

Have a lovely Christian holiday (non-existent in Peninsular Malaysia). 

SALAM

SU

ATU

MALASIA.

Imagine...

Imagine all these billboards disappearing, dissolved into the verdant backdrop, leaving behind a sight not unlike a Singaporean highway vista. No more caucasian models in stock photos probably downloaded from Google Images, not purchased. No more wasting electricity to power the spotlights that will shine on strangely unconscious anti-design typography.

Imagine your drive through Petaling Jaya peaceful for once without such tacky distractions. It wouldn't be the same anymore, as you contemplate the shape of branches on the trees while waiting for the traffic to move, for the red to become green. Traffic jam minutes of contemplating on the nature of fractals in ferns rather than what you would buy at a home fair, or a travel fair, or in a fashion outlet.

We may be more human. Or what about billboards with Yoko Ono-esque messages on them, a hugely worded phrase, or some instructions printed blandly on a solid colour. That might be something nice.