June 26, 2011

SPECIAL REPORT: Ugly Headlines for June 25, 2011

The Ugly Headlines on all major newspaper front pages are meant to defame Anwar Ibrahim. 

Here is BERITA HARIAN's frontpage for June 25, 2011. So lucah, so berbanyak seks. This trio was charged and was fined a few thousand ringgit each for distributing pornography. As you can see, they are probably feeling unashamed, with some rather bright smiles even, as a thousand ringgit (or two) in fines is equivalent to the tiny heartbreak of a RM10.50 parking ticket fee in KLCC for most Malaysian like you and me. Takpelah... asalkan ada justis... ? Because it is clear that distributing porn to the media and sneaking spy cameras into hotel rooms - all in the spirit of ruining someone's life and wasting the country's time and reputation - is a lot less worst than having extramarital seks kan?

The triumphant trio again (notice their heads are not covered by stretched T-shirts or the nook of an arm, unlike 'shameful prostitutes'.) UTUSAN MALAYSIA takes a more subtle approach to the case with actually a very pretty font.

SINAR HARIAN says, MEMANG ANWAR. Could you really confirm that it is MEMANG ANWAR, if there is still a 0.01% inkling of doubt? MEMANG, tapi tak boleh konfim kot... eh apa ni...

99.99% seiras Anwar dalam KOSMO. When was the last time such vile words were used so prominently on the front page? Indeed, too many times before - all related to the illustrious sexual journeys of one Mr Ibrahim. And perhaps Chua Soi Lek. Poor things...

The Star reports 'It is Anwar'.

Suddenly the views of foreign experts are relevant again? What about the 'foreign expert' claim that Teoh Beng Hock was strangled before his fall?

HARIAN METRO apparently does not care much about political circumstances, however filthy as it may seem. But it still is highly concerned about manners relating to sex and the male/female libido, as the above evidence suggests, taken on the same day as the others above it. Same same kan topik?


1. Regrettably, Chinese and Indian language newspapers
are not covered in this SPECIAL REPORT. 

2. The New Straits Times' front page
was so dull, UGLY MALAYSIANA
has decided against its reproduction here,
for the benefit of the esteemed readers.

Recommendation that is not Malaysian

Recommended by Encik Yukiat, some light-hearted amusement that is not Malaysian but from the big archipelago of Indonesia. Saucy! I don't think PAS would approve. 

His comment:
"Burlesque dancer Kucing Garong (Cat Robber) from 
Indon - Ala-ala Pussy cat dolls, meow! Very exotic & erotic! Bagus untuk aerobics!"

June 23, 2011

Umbrella and lips have nearly identical shape

Romance novelas... bittersweet...

June 22, 2011

Cabaran hebat: Front pages of two June 15th 2011 newspapers that are different but all the same

Kejantanan tercabar

"2 peserta lelaki cabar chef wanita" (note: top left corner)

Lovely coincidences on the front page of Harian Metro and something else... (Not Utusan Melayu ya, that one layout too moden ala-ala Guardian newspaper EWW KAY (UK) gitewwww...)


Bunting at a chic Bangsar gymnasium is not very posh

Amboi, banyoknyo "white space". Kecik pulak Times Nu Roman tu... 

Chi Gym? Apo ni? Ada Melayu Gym? (read fine print: ALL ARE WELCOME). Ah, inclusivenya... eh ni... ada merah dan puteh. Macam DAP skit kan? Tapi huruf "a" tu ada macam accent macam produk kat IKEA tuh. Mestilah sphegetti dgan Swedish meatballs ni...

Dedicated to my semi-adopted cat, Polat, who is no longer by my side


June 13, 2011

Bizarre Sculpture

Taking leisurely drives in a MADE IN MALAYSIAN CAR around a random neighbourhood (with cookie cutter terraced units) can often allow oneself to stumble upon many "CEKIK DARAH" visual elements:

1) Turquoise polycarbonate roofs that make it seem like your porch is underwater — CHECK;

2) Massive stainless steel auto-gates with "ONG/PROSPERITY/LILLIAN TOO-INFLUENCED" feng shui symbols so robbers and neighbours know you are/aspiring to be TOWKAY RICHE — CHECK;

3) A non-working three-tier ornate fountain made in plaster with a dog clinging on the edge... — 

UM, APA NI????? Mak sedih tengok ahnjing begitew beku sekali, and only 1, x dlm 1 pair semacam fountain kat Itali yg feature 2 kuda ke apehentah binatang yg memancut air dari bibir... Skulptor ini lebeh mendatangkan imaj 'emo' bagaikan suatu foto yg dipamerkan oleh ahli fotografi sensasi Juergen Teller yang bertajuk: "Frozen dead dog, Czechoslovakia" yg beliau ambik pabila tahun 1990...

 Uncanny kan? Tengok paw dia...
Put your paw's up little monsters, boleh?

June 10, 2011



Item 1: A block of shophouses in Subang Jaya with inconsistently sized, more-is-more rojak-style signages... stains and mold notwithstanding.

Item 2: A defaced parking ticket machine in Damansara Uptown that, 
in true Malaysiana form, did not work.

Not your average Monocle "Perfect City Block" lah...

(but at least we're not — Datin forbid — STERILE!!!?????)

(Illustrated by Gaku Nakagawa)

June 07, 2011


A typical hawker centre in Malaysia. Most of the stores above feature food made by very-low-paid immigrants from Myanmar (sometimes Indonesians too, even if the place is porky). Food hygiene is questionable. The grounds are wet with oily puddles, rats and cockroaches scurry along — nobody cares. Loan shark stickers stuck on every public surface imaginable, cool-white fluorescent tubes illuminate signs for Bak Kut Teh or Penang Char Kway Teow, the toilets could almost look like that one in Trainspotting. Everything utilitarian. Cheapest ingredients to maximise profits. Melamine in pastel colours, marked with indian ink to denote identity. Touch your coins, touch your satay stick. Thumbs in your bowl of Laksa. Greasy faces, tired from working 10 hours a day, washing bulk vegetables in the morning, washing dishes squatting next to the drain at night.

Winners and losers



June 03, 2011


What is it about this picture that makes you 'happy'? Is it the fact that there are so many 'default' PC fonts? Or the camouflaged street name — under scraped Ah Long advertising? Or how they didn't really bother removing the Ah Long stickers on the TM box on the right... or perhaps it's the high density apartment blocks in the horizon under grey skies...