January 28, 2014

Happy Chinese new year

Happy Cina New Year to readers of UGLY MALAYSIANA. 

I have not forgotten about you, or your ways. 

If you dun feel like recycling your Tiger beer cans or ‘XO’ coniak bottles after CNY gambling and chore-dai-di or the chore of giving reasons to so-and-so relatives about why you’re STILL NOT married, lemember to be ECO CONSCIOUS n green in udder ways… throw your ‘kam’ peelings in your compost bin together-gether with your prosperous newly-groomed shit-tzu’s droppings, they will heat up together and form nutrient rich food for your bonsai trees, the beautiful trees that just totally blend in with the ancient (Loman or Greek era) looking columns of your mansion in Taman Midah, Cheras.

Lemember to also recycle your ANG PAO packages after you take out the RM10 inside… spare change to pay toll go back kampung of coz, the kampung you visit once a year, filled with people you love or loath, people in red red red like your hopefully-recycled angpao, golden edged threading for extra HUAT HUAT HUAT… I don’t understand hokkien but it means something good, no?… 

On TV you may witness prepubescent girls in magenta silky spaghetti straps machine-embroidered with MANY GOLDEN HORSES AND NOT UNICORNS, singing about money making money when they grow up.

Words from an expatriate

UGLY MALAYSIANA: What do you hate about Malaysia?

EXPAT: Rich parents. Malls. Lack of public creative space. Expensive drinks.

January 01, 2014

Happy new year oh...

Happy life in sunny malaisie. Happy nu year.

From pink coloured govt rooms plastered with A4 sheets with messages like "SISTEM OFF-LINE" to pink table cloths lit with fluorescent tubes in a restaurant called "De Tom Yumz', to dubious headlines inciting hatred for minorities or religions other than the one they extoll.... Our lives are met without much difficulties like war and unrest, don't need 2 worry ya, politicians keep telling us dat.

Yes indeed, we're grateful for the affordable greasy mee mamak and cheap iPon, Prado and how we can park anywhere without getting a fine. Even if got fine, no nid party also can one. Don't you just love it!

Tudung anime with two faded 1malaise stickerz, happy decorating the back of a motorcycle, spotted in Seremban. Love you longtime...