Tea Time Comparison

Comparison of biscuit carton designs 

between

ASTANA DELIGHTS 

(OFF JALAN KAMPUNG ATAP, KUALA LUMPUR) 

and 

CRABTREE & EVELYN 

(SOMEWHERE IN THE UK).

Need I point out which is on the left and which is on the right?

Blood-shot Snow White

SPOTTED IN PLAZA DAMAS, SRI HARTAMAS. A CARPET SHOP, 

SELLING RATHER MACABRE FLOOR MATS, SUCH AS THIS ONE.

EYES BLOODY, LIPS RATHER STAINED BLOOD-RED TOO, SNOW WHITE GIVES THE PRINCE A BEGUILING BUT BONE CHILLING STARE BEFORE THE PERFECT KISS THAT ENDS EVERYTHING.

Pasar Pagi Fashion Wisdom

 SPOTTED: TEEN WISDOM IN A MARKET IN RAWANG.

 

PRETTY GIRLS LIKE THE DELICIOUS APPLE

 I AM THE REASON WHY BOYS GO WILD

LIFE IS EASY WHEN YOURE GOOD LOOKING LIKE ME

Luxury property next to a fake blue river from Mayland Properties

Ah, an artist's rendering of a luxury condo, from an aerial vantage point.

May we recommend that you ignore the Purple Times New Roman and focus on the lovely blue-tinted river winding gently through the landscape.

A clean river as blue as the waters of Cherating in the middle of Kuala Lumpur? 

Of course it is an impossibility! It is doctored: notice how the river becomes a turdy brown on the left... and the unnatural blueness on the right, only cut off by the amount of trees (too hard to Photoshop beb)...

 

 In reality, rivers are never as azure blue... even if there are no clouds in the sky... thankfully so. A teh tarik colour, perhaps. Without rubbish please — that's all we ask for... 

Portrait of the author of U.M.

A self portrait of the author of UGLY MALAYSIANA, 

taken in his humble little car... innocent and sweet as ever...

SMS style

aku ni mat motor..

simple2 je...slalu racing kat higway kesas klu nampak tol benti jap kencing...klu minah tol chantek ak ngurat.kalu ada mamat cute jambu encem aku ngurat gak hahahaha ..suruh top up minyak...ak suka berkawan...dan ak ramai kawan.. klu ok aku fuck.. berkawan biar beribu berkasih biar ramai setia pada yg satu.

nak suruh aku dtg tempat korang kasi aku duit minyak........

aku suke berkawan,berkawan buat aku rasa x bosan.......
bila malam menjelma aku menjadi pemangsa yg mencari mangsa.....

aku paling benci org yg belagak bagus dan sombong................rasa nak je aku langar gan moto aku sampai mampus.....x pun aku hentak2 kepala dia gan helmet aku..........

* * *

UGLY MALAYSIANA COMMENT

The above passage was found on a friend-finder website, written by a lean tone gentleman in his early 20s who enjoys posing next to his Modenas scooter bearing a license plate that begins with a "B".

This form of "SMS style" Malay is unfortunately widely used online on forums and blogs. Short forms and symbols (x for "tak") are increasingly replacing full words — a very speedy and economical typing method for mobile phone messaging but it is never a proud moment when I see it used in more serious paragraphs of text, for example, in political blog comments, or in the 'About Me' sections of friend-finder websites.

This form of writing also makes passages such as the above quite illegible to Malaysians who are not eloquent or well versed in Malay, especially so with its colloquial, spoken word form. Many Ah Lians or Ah Bengs will find it hard to grasp the essence of the Mat Motor's self introduction as they never really have had much exposure to Malay television dramas.

Therefore, a translation is provided below.

 

TRANSLATION IN ENGLISH

It's quite simple… 

I am always racing along the KESAS highway. If I see a toll booth, I will stop to urinate briefly. If a toll booth girl is cute, I'll flirt. If there's a young virginal handsome guy, I'll also flirt, haha.

I'll ask them to top up my fuel. 

I love to make friends. And I have a lot of friends. I'm OK with fucking… Let there be thousands of friends, and a lot of loving, but let me be faithful to only one person. 

If you want me to come to your place, compensate me with some fuel money.

   
I love to make friends. It relieves my boredom. When nighttime arises, I will be the prey that is looking for prey.

I most hate those who are arrogant. I feel like I want to crash into them with my motorcycle until they die. If not, I will also like to use my helmet to bash their heads. THE END

Happy Valentines Day

IN MYDIN, EACH DAY IS VALENTINES DAY....

Auspicious 2012

MAAF, 

SIARAN TERGENDALA 

@ UGLY MALAYSIA.

The Author has been very busy trying to upkeep Things in his new residence, that of which is filled with a fine balance of good [honey, eggs] and bad taste [leftover Chinese New Year keropok ubi].

And with red being the auspicious colour of the season, the below graphic is a rightful start to hopefully a new wonderfully gaudy season.

It is greatly recommended that the readers of this useless design journal practice, with ease, the word printed boldly below. Terimalah kasih saya yang semakin memuncak.