GUEST POST - Malaysia - standing in the eyes of da world

REPRODUCED WITH PERMISSION

So I'm taking this World Anthropology course on edx, and one of the subjects we covered was refugee/immigrations in Malaysia. There's an interview with an "illegal" immigrant, that really got to me:

Robert: Malaysia for me is a world of trauma and a place of distress.
I don't say good things about living in Malaysia.

Gerhard: Nothing at all?

Robert: Nothing, because we cannot hope; we cannot have dreams. We can't plan for the future, and we don't have rights. We don't have rights for education. We don't have rights for employment. We don't have a voice. We can't say anything. We cannot complain.

----

Because, you know, we have more than they do, but we don't really have a voice, either.

— Melissa Ariffin

Malaysians, R U READY?

OR R U ANGRY?

Selamat pagi Malaysia

Hello! Good morning Malaysia. Wake up, it's a chilled morning. Sparrows are chirping. Make yourself a delish Asian breakfast consisting of mostly carbs, sugar and oil.

If you prefer, eat outside, bistro style, just like in the picture. By cincai-parked vehicles. The sight is not too photogenic as you can see, road side food liddat I suppose in this part of the world.

Car lined avenues, not tree lined... A bed of motorcycles, no flowers in little concrete planters. No fancy awnings or 'quaint' café atmosphere beb. No tinkling piano music shit. Just simple, casual and a bit precarious – the fumes of vehicles and passive smoke. The smell of exasperation as drivers search desperately for a parking spot. Ala, double park only lor, leave your number on the dashboard.

Yes, we understand, very fast, fingers crossed: no polis saman, no car want to get out. Only 10 minutes to tapau RM7 siewyook rice, if the queue not that long. It used to be RM6.50 a week ago. I'll listen attentively, in case got honking...

Nu Sentral Malaysia

Ugly Malaysia Day
is when Sabah/Sarawak
is represented smaller
in an overall map of Malaysia...

Highlighting the Peninsular...
For what reason ah???
Bukankah kito 1Malayshia!

(SABAH-SARAWAK, where one can find the true 'East Coast' of Malaysia, GUE MOHON MAAF OK?)

Scale project ni beso giler tapi ratio salah, betui tak! Dear readers, dun make this ratio mistake when you dasain your next pesta sukan poster ataupoon styrofom cutouts for the pink office wall... Janji yer... Ah...

Luv U.M.

This unfortunate instance was spotted recently by UGLY MALAYSIANA in the new Nu Sentral shopping mall.

WAWASAN 2020

You think we can proceed to wawasan lua poloh lua liddis?

See people smoking near anti smoking signs, smoking while walking in opis wear...

Not queuing, not queuing when the sign says 'Q', tak faham ko lu?

Then on the train everybody rushing in... Pushing each other, they scared of the long wait coz nobody wants to wait blindly for the next KTM coz there's no time table.

The cheap digital screens that should have been displaying information sudah dipadamkan, black black like the faces of commuters.

Only Najib's face plastered all over grinning, tagline about how the government wants only the very best for the rakyat, us. In the shadows coz the light bulbs are rosak.

Us, the people who don't want to drive because your roads are clogged up with ill planning and rude drivers who scream racist slurs even when they didn't see the asshole cutting their overpriced car.

And back in the train, nobody gives a damn about the old guy or the elderly woman coz they're fucking tired themselves, the signages to be a responsible citizen of Malaysia is not payed attention to. Nobody reads anyway.

No graciousness left isit? Why so selfish, Malaysians? Don't they, our authorities, see this happening? What's supposed to happen for 2020?

Poetry session

POETRY SESSION BY UGLY MALAYSIANA

BASED ON THE THEME OF "HOPE". 

I HOPE

WE HV MORE RESPECT LESS ASS ATTACK

WE ONLY WANT 1 (MALAISE)

LUV, FROM MY PINK LABBIT HEART

— COLLABORATIVE FASHION POETRY —

by the authors:
BN Colour POLO shirt, feathery blouse, typo blouse, cutie comic sans T. 

GUEST POST - Independence Day - Glow

57 years of independence

means freedom to use at least 

six typefaces 

in one ad.

- from ipfrsch, a friend of UGLY MALAYSIANA

LETTER FROM A LOVELY READER

Just now, my partner told me how he found your blog... he was driving around kl looking for sweet spots to take photos and when he found some, he tried to sets up his camera and no matter where he focus - there is always a lamppost or trashcan that gets in the way. He got home frustrated and typed in, Malaysia, Ugly in his browser, and thus found your blog!

— AMANDA

~ *~ *~ *~

RESPONSE FROM UGLY MALAYSIANA

Thank you very much for the story about your partner and his delightful discovery of UGLY MALAYSIANA. Lampaposts or trashycans are not that bad, they can be instagrammy friendly if they are macam PARIS lamp post, very romantic, especially for you, a couple... you can be model, prancing around in BURBERRY cold-weatherwear. Like singing in the rain gitew. BUT INDEED, THINGS CAN BE UGLIER HERE, with lampposts full of AH LONG STICKERS, perhaps one hung with a ADULT TOY banner too, printed on some tarpauline from KEDAI BIKIN BUNTING TAMAN PERMATA CHERAS/SG WAY NEW VILLAGE.

Hey dood - FAN MAIL

hey dood i really like ur ugly malaysiana series. depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be about spaces and architecture. the old architecture is beautiful, it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era and now thats fuck it up rambling

BORING TEXT ONLY VERSION

hey dood
i really like ur ugly malaysiana series.
depicts how i feel about how fucking ugly malaysians choose to be

about spaces and architecture.

 the old architecture is beautiful,
it was the architecture in the 80s post modern era
and now thats fuck it up

 rambling



- THANK YOU, FAITHFUL FAN, AND FRIEND -

Good morning kitty

Hello, UGLY MALAYSIANA reporting from KTM station Subang Jaya. Weather is sunny, temperature is mild with the occasional passive smoke from commuters who don't obey No Smoking signs.

A cat is playing with one of the attendants here, as pictured. A police siren could be heard, but it does not signify that help is on its way for victims of a crime. The noise belongs to outriders, helping your friendly MP or Vee-i-Pee weave through the Federal Highway, making their morning drive a joyride (compared to the rest, a jamride) as if they are still in their favourite first-world foreign holiday destination: roads clear, young leaves fluttering sweetly on So-and-so Avenue in a nonchalant spring breeze.

Sama-sama menjejak mimpi

This is the flat where my parents stay. It's under Pakatan Rakyat. Or is it under the Majlis Perbandaran? Which is under what actually?

It is still unsightly after so long, after changes, elections, droughts, monsoons.

Sometimes when the wind is strong, I don't smell anything pleasing. I smell this heap of hopelessness, tidak apaness, things compositing, decaying. Lives decaying.

Letters were written, phone calls made. I even posted this problem on UGLY MALAYSIANA. Nothing has changed.

My parents are older. It's hard for them to move out to anywhere better. Things are really expensive. Why can't they manage the rubbish dump more properly? Tar the roads. Get rid of the rat colonies. Somehow.

I pun feel hopeless. But the lady in their 80s, the Opah, she doesn't really mind maybe. Teaching the Quran, chilling out in her 400 sq ft unit in this SS13. Unlucky number 13? The rest of Subang isn't this way. This Opah and my parents deserves what the SS19 datins are offered in their sections. Oh well, it doesn't work out that way hor.

The more things change, the more things feel the same.

Rubbish news

Too much rubbish
no need read finish
Place on top of bin
no need stuff it in

What's Ugly?

STUPID

HUMANS

RUNNING

/

RUINING

OUR

LIVES

Making us

The Laughing Stock

of the world.

MESSI AND RUBBISHY DATARAN AFTER WORLD CUP FINALS

Ini dia, embarrassing photograph. Apa terjadi? First world ke nih? Makan, leave 7-11 mee instant on such an iconic spot. Malaysians, takda harapan. Takper, tidak aperrrr bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No grace, beb.......... tak perlulah...

Leave it there, sebab 'someone will pick it up for us' lah, kan? Perhaps foreign immigrant rubbish collectors – we're giving them jobs kan? My sleep is important in the morning after tengok world kap at 4am, being a civic minded citizen of a 'aspiring first world' nation can wait.... this is how it's like n e wayz...

This is how it's like when we don't read signs to queue at public transportations, to disobey speed limits, don't give a fuck about being polite on roads or when we handle customers, coz I am getting really shitty pay, RM5 per hour or less. I have to work 5 times harder than those people kat barat, to get what they're getting, and that's why I'm pissed, and I won't smile at you.

And that's OK, I throw rubbish out of my sporty Proton car, who cares, nobody cares, we just don't throw rubbish in schools coz people would catch and fine us, but not now when we've grown up.

Throw rubbish at waterfalls oso ok, tempat rekriasi, coz we've got so much shit thrown at us before, tak perlu care la beb, leave it there and it would take care of itself, it's too much effort to go look for a rubbish bin...

I don't want to walk 5 minutes to a rubbish bin. I would drive to one, but it's hard to find parking, and people say, double parking would make another fellow Malaysian scratch your car... so...

I'll just leave the rubbish there, it would take care of itself...  


Foto kredit: mStar Twitter account

Kembalilah ke jalan yang benar

Adik-adik dan abang-abang

yang ada terlibat dalam kegiatan-kegiatan

tidak bermoral 

kembalilah

ke jalan yang benar.

Mu pilihlah mana-mana jalan yang u suka

Sekian,

UGLY MALAYSIA

Marilah mengambil KTM bersama-sama ^_^

How wonderful it is to not drive and be able to experience our beloved LuV-hAtë city with public transport. Here is an example of what the government has given me, a typical citizen who drives non-luxury vehicle most of the time stuck in traffic, especially on the Federal Highway around 5pm (and shockingly, on a highway, SPRINT, etc)...

In KTM KL Sentral (Malaysia's main transportation hub!), some of the sights of publik transport boleh dijumpa, seperti berikut!



First, u can buy tickets easily ..... most people queue up for tickets but u can oso buy it yrself, BUT a lot of things u need to pay attention to, like they cannot accept new notes that have been out for A FEW YEARS.....



Oh the buttons are so worn out and disgusting, but takper, selamba, boleh fungsi. IF U DUN LIKE IT, U CAN MOVE BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY, CINA KE, INDIA KE.....

(Alternatively, u can also queue up with 90% of the other passengers yang nak pi ambik tren, and this is like human traffic jam BUT IT's BETTER THAN CAR TRAFFIC JAM NO?)




For the person living in the fast lane, Touch 'n' Go is oso OK...... notice the quality of the build on these things....................... HRMMMMMMMMMM. sticker yang cellutaped over steel.... mak ok jer.

In Malaysia, time is of no importance because we very RILEK that way, takper lah, tak kisah ya lambat ke tidak, they will wait for me ^_^......... got phrase we famous for, "Malaysian timing". 

In KL Sentral KTM, as seen in the picture above, time does not exist! No nid to be so effisyen la bro, we not like Japan (even though Mahathir ask us to "look east"). We dun have to even LOOK at the time la bro, the display takda functioning! Rilek jer......

(In Japan, the tren system is very veli timely one, the sign say tren come at 5.51pm, the analogue clock show 5.50pm, then from the distance you will hear a train coming liao...)

Here AH JIB BRO saying "we will give only the best to you" or something liddat. With that smile of his. Yes, the best, including a flimsy platform cardboard display (no need to be like some other countries where the signs are encased in a terror impressive INTEGRATED INFORMATION BOARD)...

ITULAH HAKIKAT KEHIDUPAN.

PS - UGLY MALAYSIANA recently took the ERL to KL Sentral from KLIA2. While coming out from the ticket barriers, UGLY MALAYSIANA's ticket gave the machine an error message. It took about 15 minutes for the management to rectify the ticketing problem.

One of the TOUCH N GO gate also rosak. They had to hire a janitor looking woman to tell passengers "guna laluan touch n go lain, ini rosak". 

UGLY MALAYSIANA asked them, "why rosak so cepat? the gate look so new!". The ERL authorities said "banyak orang guna, cepat rosak..." (many people use, very fast become out of order).

KENAPA MACAM TU? NAMPAK MACAM MODERN, LOOK MODERN N NEW, shiny. NAJIB SAID HE WANTED TO GIVE US THE BEST RIGHT? Why places like SG or Tokyo, kalau rosak, cepat fix, and their central train stations have maybe 100x more passenger flow compared to ERL punya. Kenapa theirs can fungsi so well le?

AH JIB, KENAPA?

Ugly Kicking!

From Malaysiakini:

A group claiming to be Umno Youth and Malay NGO members attacked the DAP office in Kuantan this afternoon. They damaged the front door and signboard as well as pelted the building with eggs

UGLY MALAYSIA wants to know, why OH WHY OH WHY the government or the authorities never say this is UGLY behaviour? Like samseng, I tell you!

Is UMNO YOUTH the gangsta's paradise? So banyak perkara malu these days. So hateful - towards minorities, non-BN parties, homosexuals, Christians, etc.

Why govt never tell them:

"Eh you do this, MALU for your party, people got young non-Chinese nominee who talks articulately, shrugs off yr shitty behaviour, has modern sassyness, and gives good hopeful speeches, yet you behave like GANGSTA ataupun MAT REMPIT, u want to show good example to people who want to vote for you, u want a BETTER MALAYSIA, you should not BEHAVE DIS WAY bros...."   

Aiyoyo. Betul betul perlakuan hodoh!

gue suke ell vee.....

Happy Chinese new year

Happy Cina New Year to readers of UGLY MALAYSIANA. 

I have not forgotten about you, or your ways. 

If you dun feel like recycling your Tiger beer cans or ‘XO’ coniak bottles after CNY gambling and chore-dai-di or the chore of giving reasons to so-and-so relatives about why you’re STILL NOT married, lemember to be ECO CONSCIOUS n green in udder ways… throw your ‘kam’ peelings in your compost bin together-gether with your prosperous newly-groomed shit-tzu’s droppings, they will heat up together and form nutrient rich food for your bonsai trees, the beautiful trees that just totally blend in with the ancient (Loman or Greek era) looking columns of your mansion in Taman Midah, Cheras.

Lemember to also recycle your ANG PAO packages after you take out the RM10 inside… spare change to pay toll go back kampung of coz, the kampung you visit once a year, filled with people you love or loath, people in red red red like your hopefully-recycled angpao, golden edged threading for extra HUAT HUAT HUAT… I don’t understand hokkien but it means something good, no?… 

On TV you may witness prepubescent girls in magenta silky spaghetti straps machine-embroidered with MANY GOLDEN HORSES AND NOT UNICORNS, singing about money making money when they grow up.

Words from an expatriate

UGLY MALAYSIANA: What do you hate about Malaysia?

EXPAT: Rich parents. Malls. Lack of public creative space. Expensive drinks.

Happy new year oh...

Happy life in sunny malaisie. Happy nu year.

From pink coloured govt rooms plastered with A4 sheets with messages like "SISTEM OFF-LINE" to pink table cloths lit with fluorescent tubes in a restaurant called "De Tom Yumz', to dubious headlines inciting hatred for minorities or religions other than the one they extoll.... Our lives are met without much difficulties like war and unrest, don't need 2 worry ya, politicians keep telling us dat.

Yes indeed, we're grateful for the affordable greasy mee mamak and cheap iPon, Prado and how we can park anywhere without getting a fine. Even if got fine, no nid party also can one. Don't you just love it!

Tudung anime with two faded 1malaise stickerz, happy decorating the back of a motorcycle, spotted in Seremban. Love you longtime...